Wow. So I tried to post this yesterday and WordPress had some sort of AIDS and killed my post not once, but three times! (Maybe it was because I used the term, ‘Uncle-Fucker’ liberally?) So, I am rewriting and reposting this morning and hopefully all goes well. (Which means we are one day behind in Fatwareness terms, but cest la vie, I will remedy that this evening.) For now, let us get on with the fatness, shall we?
In 1997, I was working at a Barnes and Nobles with my wonderful friend Chello and we had not a care in the world. We had quite the great times working in the Cafe, making coffee, doing whippits out of whipped cream cans and stealing grinders and trading them for pot. YesÃ¢â‚¬Â¦I stole coffee grinders and traded them to support my Marijuana habit. What can I say? I was 18 and reckless and retardedÃ¢â‚¬Â¦and drug dealers love appliances.
So, it was on one night in 1997 that we were hanging out at this guy Joey’s house and smoking the stickiest of the icky (A purple haze so potent that it made my lips numb and my teeth chatter.) when I saw today’s fatcon on the tube. Someone had told us that there was a new, animated series coming on and that we had to watch the first episode. So, highly stoned, we turned on the TV and I witness the most-brilliant thing of all time: The first episode of South Park.
Now, it might have been because I was so high, but the episode was the one where #19 on our fat list gets an anal probe by aliens, and it was, for the most part, the MOST GLORIOUS thing I had ever seen. I distinctly remember looking over at Chello and saying, “Holy shit. This is the greatest thing of all time.” And so, with one anal probe and one song and dance sequence of, “I like to sing-ah about the moon and the stars,” #19 on our list became an icon. A fat icon of epic proportions.
#19: Eric Cartman
The many faces of Fatcon #19: Eric Cartman.
There are so many things that can be said about the amazingness that is Eric Cartman. Over the years, this little fatty has become a staple on T.V. There is no fouler-mouthed, racist, politically incorrect, overweight, nasty, socially inept little kid on T.V. and by God, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
His is a meanness that I can identify with. Let’s just put it this way, if I ever unleashed my inner fat kid on anyone, it would sound like Cartman. Because my inner fat kid is angry at the world, man.
Now, I am not trying to say that just because Eric Cartman is fat, that he is automatically funny, but I will say that there is nothing like making fun of a fat person and watching a fat person shit on everyone and that is why the creation of Cartman is so genius! Little, fat kids are mean, man. Hell, little kids are mean. That is why Cartman works so well. He is the true representation of how nasty little kids can be, especially when they are talking shit about other little kids, Nothing is off limits and nothing is sacred to kids and Eric Cartman is a true representation of that. He dishes on the Jews, people’s moms and homos and it is HALARIOUS!
On a sidenote, here is an interesting tidbit about Cartman. He was created to be a representation of 70s-80s icon Archie Bunker. (Which is great, because I love him!) He is also South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s favorite character. (And why wouldn’t he be?) There are plenty of things that can be said about Cartman but, to me, the best things to say about him are: BEEEEEFCAAAAAAKKKKEEE!! And RESPECT MY AUTHORATAAAAY!!!!
Oh…and Kyle’s mom is a bitch!
Enjoy #19 on our Fatwareness countdown. I know I do…even though I had to re-write this post four times! (It might have been funnier on version #2, but, eh, what can we do?)