A Serbian Film, directed by Srdjan Spasojevic..there’s a lot of hype around this film and how gruesome it is. Movie snobs, film-school graduate douchebags and pederasts alike are swarming to the Internet to pirate this movie and be among the few that can brag on their shitty blogs that they watched it before anyone else did.

Alas, who am I break the cycle?

You may be thinking to yourself, “Is it that bad?” or, if you’re like me (Before I watched it.) you’re thinking, “Are there any titties in it?” The answer to both is yes. There are titties galore and quite a few cooter shots, too (WIN!), but the events that transpire, especially during the second half of the movie, are the biggest fucking bummer ever. This movie might as well be called, “Boner Holocaust” because any and all erections you may get throughout are thoroughly and efficiently destroyed. To add insult to injury, the more you watch, the worse you feel for ever having gotten one to begin with.

This goddamn film pissed me off so fucking bad because I wanted nothing more than to blow a load watching the main character fuck his lady while they watch his old porno movies, but I decided to hold off for a better scene. Then I ended up getting fucked in the ass by the screenwriter and director’s bullshit desire to fuck the audience’s conscious up. Personally, I think this movie would have been an hour shorter and 90 percent better if they would have added more titties and ended about 30 minutes in.

Basically the story is about a guy named Milos (Played by Srdjan Todorovic.) with a huge dick who retires from his lucrative career as a porn star to live a normal life with his wife and kid in some suburban town in Serbia. He’s running out of cash and some artsy, fag director hires him to star in a porn for a ridiculous amount of money. He agrees. This is when the movie’s asshole opens up good and wide and takes a nice big shit on your head. It gets gruesome. There’s all kinds of stupid shit depicted that’s put in for the sake of shock and it succeeds exponentially.

My question is, why the fuck would a director ruin a perfectly good movie filled with hot ass and beautiful titties by adding a bunch of kiddie porn? Most fans of this film will argue that people like me just didn’t, “Get it,” or that it is the, “Poetry of human depravity,” and I say to them, “Fuck you and no, I would not like whip cream in my frappuccino, dip shit.” I did get it I just happen to think that the story fucking sucked. Just because a movie is brutally gruesome, doesn’t mean it’s good. While this film is shot very well and boasts pretty good acting, the story is about as entertaining as getting an enema. In fact, I sat on my bidet for about 52 percent of the film because splashing warm water on my asshole for 50 minutes gave me something more pleasant to reflect on later.

Five things I would have enjoyed more with the time it took to watch this film:

1. A nice lunch with friends.
2. Getting drunk.
3. Gonorrhea
4. Spending more time on my bidet.
5. Getting raped.

If you must, watch the trailer below.