#16 probably ate a lot of this...

Growing up, I was limited  in my exposure to any kind of classic rock. My parents, both severely Hispanic, were not much for the rock music. It wasn’t until I was about 8-or 9-years-old that I would meet a kid named Jared Armstrong whose obsession with Guns N Roses and Poison would change my life. It was this hair-metal exposure that led me to start exploring all kinds of rock from classic to heavy metal. And on one of those musical forays into the unknown, I bumped into what I can only call one of the most-epic rock songs of all time. I am not talking about a small song here. I am talking about a fucking rock and roll production. The kind of song that is right up there with Bohemian Rhapsody for it’s lengthy ride from ballad to full on rock-opera, back to ballad to campy intensity. The song is Paradise By The Dashboard Light, the album is Bat Out of Hell and the singer is a man so big and so mighty that they named him after a hunk of hamburger meat that white people seem to enjoy.

#16: Meat Loaf

Meat Loaf and Ellen Foley circa 1977, Paradise By The Dashboard Light.

Before we even broach this whole fatcon thing, I want to say that as a child, fat Meat Loaf was scary to me. He looked like a crazy, strung-out, large zombie. But when he sang, I went wild. Hearing Paradise By The Dashboard Light was incredible. The idea that the whole song is about fucking is genius. The baseball commentary in the second part, alluding to getting to/stealing the other bases to eventually score a home-run is brilliant. The way that Meat Loaf sweats in the video in 1977, speaks of cocaine and booze, and hey, that was Meat Loaf back then.

Now why is Meat Loaf on this list? Surely being named after molded ground beef and singing one gimmicky song is not enough to warrant being called a Fatcon, right? Well, no, it doesn’t. But what does are two things. The first is being cast in one of the biggest cult-classic movies of all time. The second is achieving one of the grandest musical comebacks of all time. Oh, yeah. Meat Loaf is one serious Fatcon and that’s why he is our #16!

And what cult-classic am I referring to, ladies and gents? Why, a little movie I like to call, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Meat Loaf landed the role of Eddie and jams to Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul. If this movie is not one of your classics, if you do not know how to do the Time Warp, I would consider defecting to another place immediately. Maybe to Uranus .

Now, although Paradise and The Rocky Horror Picture Show make him awesome, one of the best things about Meat Loaf was his comeback in the 90′s. Dude. A zillion years after his career was over in the music-industry, Meat Loaf released Bat Out Of Hell 2 and the little gem I like to call, I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won’t Do That, was born.

This should be memorable for two reasons. 1) The video was pure Beauty and The Beast. 2) The chick in the video is smoking-hot…in a Tawny Kaitan, Whitesnake Video kind of way.

(And also because it put Meat Loaf right back on the charts and have him an entirely new music career with an entirely new generation!)

Oh, yes. My love of Meat Loaf and all his proud and soulful rotundness is very fierce. When the song says, “Will you love me, will you love me forever?” I was on board with that notion. lol

Enjoy #16, who, and of this I am firmly convinced, if he had been born in Hialeah, would have gone on to become Chicharron, a great Latino rock star lol

Meat Loaf…so delicious and fat.

-goobs