Okay so I was gone. Now I am back. Don't cry about it.

Okay, okay…so I am back.

I already know all the jazz everyone is gonna rattle off in my direction about how I haven’t finished Fatwareness Month and how some of you are pissed that you don’t know who the fatcons from 10-1 are. I know. I get it. I don’t have any excuses for my deplorable dissaperance other than to say that I’ve been tired. Kaput. Exhausted. Overworked. Drunk and Dating. And overall, just lazy.

Yes.

Fat people get lazy sometimes. It’s part of our fat maintenence. You know how your car needs an oil change? Well, for fat people, sometimes we have to go hibernate a little bit and harvest our fatness. I have actually gained five pounds. So there.

Sue me. I’m sorry.

Now, let’s just establish that I am back and that in this post I am going to take you two places that you never thought that you would go.

So, let’s go there, shall we? For our first destination, please…

Follow me to the world of fatness.

Come on. (There’s doughnuts there. At the very least, there’s chips.)

Okay…so imagine, if you will, that you are fat and you are surrounded by fat people.

All of you, together. In your fatness.

Now, imagine that not only are you fat, but you are the littlest of the fats.

Can you imagine that? Being dubbed the littlest fatty by the bigger fatties around?

I would imagine that waddling along the borderline of being not yet fat enough to be a big, tough guy and too pudgy to be considered small must be frustrating.

So, it is now, that we have reached the top ten of our countdown that we talk about the littlest fat guy who refused to be just the tiniest tonnage around. He rose to the top of the fat ranks.

Welcome to the second destination in our post…

The world of Sumo Wrestling .

Asashoryu Akinori: Sumo Champion with 24 titles under his belt. Yes...24!

And meet #10 on our countdown…Sumo superstar, Asashoryu Akinori.

#11: Asashoryu Akinori.

Okay, so in the world of Sumo Wrestling, standing a mere six feet and weighing a light 330 pounds, Asashoryu is shorter and smaller than most of his fat competition. Yeah, cause he is ONLY 330 pounds and only six feet tall. (Cue shock and awe here.) In fact, his early career suffered for it because none of the sumo badasses wanted to fight him because they thought he was too small. And to add insult to injury, in a world of Japanese champions, he is actually Mongolian. Yeah, he’s the littlest fat Mongolian kid on the block.

So what do Asashoryu do? Like all underdogs, he makes an epic, in-your-fucking-face return and merks everyone and their mother until he is sitting on 24 titles and becomes one of the top three legends of the sport of all time.

Will Smith and Asashoryu Akinori getting jiggy wit' it.

Yeah, the littlest fat Mongolian pulls a Danny Larusso and gets all You’re The Best Around on all the other big, bad sumos. It actually happened. He is so good that they have six tournaments a year and he is the only sumo, in the history of sumos to win each one in one year’s span. Yeah…he is pretty much the Shaft of sumos. He is THE bad Motherfatter.

He is like the Mongolian Rocky.

Seriously.

(And you had no clue, huh? You have probably never even thought about sumos, right? And all this time Asashoryu Akinori has just been sitting under your nose and you didn’t even know it. Luckily for you, me and Will Smith know all about him can bring you this viable information. lol)

And although no, I cannot tell you a damn thing about the thongs that they wear when they wrestle. And no, I cannot tell you anything about why they would want to toss each other’s mighty mass around in a circle. But I can tell you this, I respect these men. It’s a sport. It may not be as complicated as football or as graceful as basketball, but I’ll tell you what, one of these fat motherfuckers will toss you from here into tomorrow morning in Hialeah. They are that strong, dude. And seriously, hot many big, bad motherfucking Asians do you know, eh?

So, today let’s give it up for Asashoryu Akinori, the smallest fat around. The tiniest sumo. A legend in his own right and most definiteley a fatcon…even though none of you had a clue who the hell he was before this. lol

-goobs