I have it on good authority that fat people are pretty funny. I say this because I am a little bit, un poquito fat and I am pretty funny. Well, people laugh at my rantings, but then again, I could be reading that all wrong and they could be scoffing at me. You know, scoffing. Like when someone says something and you kinda-sorta roll your eyes and then exhale loudly like, “Oh, God, this guy…”
I will take this time to point out one thing:
YOU BETTER FIND ME FUNNY BECAUSE IF YOU ARE EVER FOUND ROLLING-EYES-SCOFFINGLY AT ME I WILL MURK YOUR SESH LIKE A FUCKING SUMO. YES, I WILL BELLY BUMP YOU INTO OBLIVION!!!
Not really, but I like to fatasize a lot. Fatasizing keeps chubsters sane, man. A Fatasy is like a skinny-people fantasy but better because in a fatasy, the big people are always the hero, the romantic interest, the badass and the winners and food contains no calories and everything is edible. Yeah, maybe it doesn’t work for you because you are skinny, but fat people have dreams, too…
Anywho, this brings me to #27 on our Fatcon list. A man who, I am pretty sure, has lots of Fatasies on the regular because he is damn large and in charge and, for lack of a better metaphor and/or descriptive way of putting this, he is damn funny.
#27: Ralphie May
Ralphie May is a portly man but even bigger than the man himself is his sense of comedic timing and humor. You have to give it up to this big man. He is from the South and he is awesome. Not only does he go on stage and rock the house, but he isn’t JUST making fat jokes. (I hate fat comedians who make all of their material about being fat. It is redundant to speak of roundness all the time.) Ralphie May knocks on everyone during his standup, the way it should be. I love that he is 400+ pounds and up there making fun of the gays (rainbow stealers!) and black people and rappers. I love that he is controversial and openly non-politically correct. He slams midgets, retarded people and Mexicans, too. I love this man. And, not that this has anything to do with his level of funny or what makes him great, but I love me some Ralphie May for two more reasons.
1) He married a skinny chick. Yeah. And she is very pretty. Double yeah. I always applaud when a fattie can crossover and get one from the other side. It’s like scoring a three-pointer for Team Fat.
2) He has two kids with said skinny woman and they are named April June May and August May. Yeah…naming your kids after months is fucking great. Makes me want to marry someone named Peter March or Fred July real bad.
Congratulations, Ralphie May, you big motherfucker! You are #27 on our countdown and you are spectacular at bringing the big laughs! Enjoy these video clips of Ralphie’s standup and as always, revel in the bigness, ya’ll.
Ralphie May repping for the 305, aka Miami, aka North Cuba and Cuban coffee. :)
A clip of the big man ripping apart almost every cultural minority AND midgets AND Retards. This is why Mr. May is a genius.