Ah, the world of a “Guest Blogger” is a perilous one.

You come in, stir things up, eat all the food in the fridge, leave your towels strewn all over the place and then you bounce and hope someone reads your drivel and finds it funny.

Most of the time…they don’t.

Which is why I was so surprised to be asked to be a guest blogger on AntiSteez.

The first thing I did when I was asked to blog was jump up and down in excitement and with, perhaps, just a little bit of the pee-pee dance mixed in for effect. (And because I had drank four coffees. You can’t fake the pee-pee dance. Those dance moves are earned, people.) Then I asked myself, “Self, WTF is an AntiSteez? Is it the shot you get when you get the Steez?”

You know, STEEZ…

What’s that? You don’t know WTF Steez is either? Well, to me it sounds like a disease you get from making out with too many hipster girls…seriously. Or maybe it’s a syndrome, like Turrets, that you get from having no sneaker game.

Truth be told, I don’t know what Steez is, but I know we are against it, and dammit, we will be against it forever! To the death!

Now would be a good time to introduce myself. I am the Goobs. Ms. Goobs, if you’re nasty.

Who am I besides a Steez fighter and all-around miracle? Well, I am friends with the CEO of AntiSteez, and no, I did not blow him to get this lucrative blogger position.

I gave him a handjob.You know, like a high-five to his goods. It’s a little less sloppy and more along the lines of friendly touching, I think.

I am your not-so-average chick with a big mouth (for speaking smack, not blowjobs, hence the handjob up there ^^^) and a lot of opinions. I look forward to invading this blog with my ranting and raving (sans glowsticks) about everything from sneakers to music to movies and the battle against the Steez. I hope you guys chime in and we get some real good debates going. (Or that you all sign up to be my enemies. Some people collect toys, I collect haters. They never go out of style and they match with whatever I have on at the time. Hi haters! Love you! Smooches!)

For my first official blog, I am going to leave you with this little gem, right here. This comes to you by way of Mo, a nice guy who just so happens to be NOT GAY. I know, I was just as surprised as you are. It’s hard to weed out his hetero when he is moaning and crying on the mic in this video like an emo kid who just lost his eyeliner, but alas, someone has to make this kind of music, right? What else would the sad kids masturbate with razorblades to, eh? I wouldn’t normally post this kind of musical wah-wah-wah-ing, but I’m on a real mission to get Mo some pussy. You see, he might not be gay, but he is oozing eau de 40-year-old virgin and I figure that somewhere out there, there is a chick who will find his music to be the missing link in her life. (Or recognize Mo as the missing link…whatever.) So all you emo, black-wearing ladies out there this one goes out to you. Hopefully it gets Mo some action…but not from Hipster girls…we don’t want him catching the Steez…

enjoy!

xoxo,

Ms. Goobs