I don’t normally blog about sports, but two things have happened recently that made my fingers venture into some type ranting about the greatest game on earth: Tailgating. Wait, no, I meant football. Excuse me.
The first thing that happened was that the Miami Dolphins murked the New York Jets in one of the most-exciting games I have seen in a long time. Yes, last night 305′ers everywhere were losing their shit as our team gave New Yorkers who like the Jets (As opposed to the Giants, who would be a better team to root for…just sayin’.) a little something that we like to call, A TREMENDOUS TEAL AND ORANGE ASS WHOOPIN’!
The second thing that happened was that we got a comment on here to talk about sports. Since we value our American readers here at Antisteez, (Just FYI, we are kind of a big deal in Brazil…) I decided that I would blog about sports…my way.
So this blog will not be about statistics or rosters or tight ends, (And we all know I love me some tight end!) but rather, I am going to talk about why I think being a Dolphin fan is something like being the Pope. Or maybe, like, Mick Jagger. Yeah…being a Dolfan is something like being closer to Heaven and melting the faces off others with your geriatric rock!!!

Or maybe it’s just awesome…however you want to look at it.

:)

So, I compiled some reasons along with some visual aides to explain why everyone, no matter what state you live in, no matter creed or sex or financial status…no matter what car you drive or your sexual preference, no matter who you voted for to be president…no matter if you have a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night…SHOULD BE A MIAMI DOLPHIN’S FAN. (Sorry, I know I got a little Martin Luther just there, but I’m all hopped up on a large coffee and victory, folks!)

Reason #1 You Should be a Miami Dolfan:

Hot Chick Fans make Miami Dolphins football better.

HOT CHICKS
We all know that Miami is a mecca for hot chicks. Period. All flavors and all kinds. They are everywhere and guess what? They like to get/be half naked all the time. It’s as if wearing too much clothes is against their religion. And hey, if a hot chick wants to wear an itty-bitty Dolphins jersey and jump up and down, cheering drunkenly…I say FUCK YES to that. Beer, football and chicks. Amen.

Our fans will freak your fans for breakfast!

Reason #2 You Should be a Miami Dolfan:
CRAZY ASS FANS MAKE SPORTS GAMES BETTER
Seriously. You come to a game and you are going to see people who are dedicated to three things: Drinkin’ beer, football and drinkin’ beer! And who can hate on that? You have to give props to people who, in 130 degree heat, will put grease paint all over their bodies and don wigs and costumes. Sure, they sweat. Sure, they reek of beer and it’s pungent…but that smells like TEAM SPIRIT to me, man!

Reason #3 You Should be a Miami Dolfan:
THE 1972 MIAMI DOLPHINS.

One Word: UNDEFEATED

Dude. They are undefeated. Badass all-around defense and offense. And when you say the name Don Shula, it’s almost as if harps play from the Heavens. Other franchises can have their bullshit wins and so-so history. We have the 1972 Dolphins and that makes us way cooler than anyone else. Ever. Ever-ever. Period.

The word Tailgate is French for, "Excuse to cook pig." True story.

Reason #4 You Should be a Miami Dolfan:

LECHON.

No where else will you find such an inordinate amount of delectable swine flesh than scattered throughout the Land o’ the Tailgate around Landshark Stadium. You see, a vast amount of Dolphin fans are Cuban and when you tell a bunch of us Cubans that we are gonna go watch a game o’ the pigskin that is a good enough excuse for us to cook an entire pig in a parking lot. AN ENTIRE PIG. IN A PARKING LOT. Fuck all those hot dogs and hamburgers that dominate other tailgate situations. We will cook you an entire animal. That means BBQ Pulled Pork sammiches. That means lechon and mojo and rice and beans. That means greasy fingers and Coronas. Miami Dophin Fans tailgate their asses off and we do it with pork! Amen!

Athletes, every single one of them.

Reason #5 You Should be a Miami Dolfan:
THE MIAMI DOLPHINS CHEERLEADERS.

I know I said hot chicks up there ^^^ but this is different. Cheerleaders are not JUST hot chicks. (I am serious. Theirs is a intense contribution to the game!) They are part of the team. They are hot AND they cheer. That’s hard work. They go out there, in sweltering heat and they shake their pom poms and dance and kick and they do it for our team. Sure, other teams have hot cheerleaders. Sure, other teams’ cheerleaders prance around and scream for their team. But our girls do it with that 305 swagger…they understand the lyric, “It’s time, bass is gonna blow your mind…” and they answer that call right out there on that field. For us. Oh, how you reek of excellence, Miami Dolphins Cheer Squad.

Get on the bandwagon…there is plenty of room.

Reason #6 You Should be a Miami Dolfan:
BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING IT…
My final reason for recommending that you come on over to the ‘Phins side is simple and true…with the exception of the the true die-hard fans who will slit your throat for speaking trash about their team, most Dolphins fans are, dare I say it, BANDWAGON FANS. They hate the fish when they lose. They curse them and stop going to games. They give up mid-season even though Journey, the greatest band in the world, taught us to DON’T STOP BELIEVING. They are only with the fish when they are winning. But that’s okay. It’s quite alright, in fact. Because Dolphins fans are welcome all the time. Whether they bleed teal and orange or whether they just like to party when the going’s good. Which is why you should really convert to Dolfan-ism. Because we accept all people! Cause we just like to party and that, my friends, is what football is all about. :)

Whew! And that is all she wrote, folks!

We have now officially covered sports on Antisteez. I think that shows our greatness and diversity.

Let’s revel in that!

Go ‘Phins!

-goobs